


a lifetime of laughter

by americangothic



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Clones, Cryogenics, Dissociation, Gen, Season 6 Spoilers, sorry i keep editing this the spacing keeps messing up, towards the end it starts getting really funky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-26
Updated: 2018-06-26
Packaged: 2019-05-28 20:59:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15057677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/americangothic/pseuds/americangothic
Summary: “Keith,” Kuron whispers. The mission has failed. It has failed to achieve the purpose for which it was made.But it let the real Shiro drive the black lion again. It let the team have another paladin in Monsters and Mana. It let Keith learn how to lead and Hunk teach it how to cook chili. It let Lance tell it about his family, his beach, his home, and Pidge tell it about everything it and Matt missed. It let Coran tell it about how the castle functioned, and it let Allura tell it about her family on nights when the mice didn't cut it.Maybe. Maybe that was worth failure.





	a lifetime of laughter

**Author's Note:**

> the title was actually going to be 'a lifetime of laughter at the expense of the death of a bachelor' but it was too long so its this instead. anyway if ur squicked out by dehumanization or fics where the main character is just constantly disassociating this probably isnt the fic for u

The first thing it is aware of is being expendable.

Creation is long and strenuous process and when its eyes are finally formed, it sees so many of it. So many others. When its mouth is finally formed, it does not make a single noise. The Creator watches it for a moment before nodding.

The Creator, as it later learns, is a witch. The witch. It learns all it needs to know about her to complete its mission, and nothing more.

The witch tells it that it is going to be Takashi Shirogane. It is taking the former paladin’s identity. It is going to become the paladin.

It asks the witch what will happen to its identity. The current one. The one before Takashi Shirogane. This was the wrong question to ask. The witch’s lip curls in disgust, but it gets a response.

“Kuron will be wiped from your head completely. You will be a vessel for as much of the black paladin’s consciousness as we could salvage,” she says, her eyes on it. It does not flinch. It does not wonder what will become of Kuron. “Your siblings will be returned to cryogenic storage. They are spares, in case you fail your mission and need to be replaced.”

It will not fail.

They take it to the room where it will be reprogrammed. It will be given an identity, but the secret commands in its brain will not be erased. It looks at its arm. Its real arm, not the flesh one.

It is strapped down to the table. They lower devices onto its head. The witch tells it not to fail. The reprogramming starts.

 

Shiro wakes up strapped to a Galra table. He escapes. Once he's outside, he realizes it's freezing cold. He wonders if he’s ever felt that cold before. A week later, he finds the red paladin in the black lion. Keith. Something in him clicks into place.

 

He listens to Coran’s story with the rest of his team. It's strange to know that the witch used to be an ally. Haggar used to be Honerva. Strange.

 

Keith leaves for the Blade of Marmora. During the test, he wants. He wants to talk to Shiro. It's reassuring to know Keith cares about him.

 

Shiro steps into the black lion and sits in the seat. He breathes, once, twice, three times. The lion does not respond to him. Something inside his chest twitches and the lion roars. Shiro’s vision blacks out for a moment before he places his hands on the controls. This feels right. Like he should be here.

Anyway, the team needs him.

 

He meets a boy who salutes him somewhat nervously. There is a blank space in his memory and he falters for a moment. Pidge introduces him as Matt, her brother. Shiro smiles. Of course. He remembers volunteering in Matt’s place, in the Galra arena. How could he forget something like that.

 

Coran seems more stimulated than usual during the shows. He is hyper and insists on them doing their best for the Coalition. Shiro smiles and waves.

 

Zarkon shows up to bargain for Lotor. Shiro’s brain blanks. His metal arm twitches, and for a moment all he can think is _he killed us_. That's… that's not what happened, though. Zarkon never killed Shiro. He didn't even win the fight in the astral plane, even though the black lion-

Shiro doesn't tell anyone about it, and soon forgets. Zarkon dies not an hour later.

 

On Olkarion, the paladins use their bayards. Shiro knows they won, but he's not. He doesn't think. He didn't show up on the astral plane like the rest of them did. Lance asks him what he was yelling at him on the astral plane.

Shiro. Well. The black paladin denies calling out to Lance.

 

He goes to the Kral Zera. He goes to the white hole. He pulls Lance into the hallway and he doesn't feel like himself. He doesn't feel like Shiro. He doesn't say as much as he thinks he should, because Lance is already distressed and he doesn't want to make the blue paladin more anxious. He doesn't tell Lance that there's been a headache behind his eyes for a while, and he's not sure it's really _him_ driving the black lion.

 

Everything is pulling apart in his brain. He doesn't understand it. Pidge uses his hand to fix the shield. His hand. His arm. The arm.

 

His skin is crawling and he can't deal with the brain. His brain. He doesn't feel right. He walks into the common area and Coran invites him to play Monsters and Mana. He wants. He wants to be a paladin. He dies. He comes back as a paladin. This could be a team-building exercise, he says. It sounds like something he would've said before the fight with Zarkon.

Coran looks a little worried. He invites Shiro to play again.

 

Keith, an Altean, and a rebellious Galra show up, and the witch watches. They explain what has been happening. What Lotor did. What he has been doing. The witch watches. His arm twitches. Keith explains. The witch watches. The arm twitches. Shiro is going to. Shiro is. Shiro needs to. Shiro. Allura knocks Lotor out, and

The witch reaches out. For a second, there is a moment of rebellion. A moment of not wanting to give this up. A moment of wondering if cryofreeze would be as cold if the team were there to laugh and joke and be a family. A moment of wondering if the real Shiro would've been better. A moment of wishing Shiro could be here. A moment of knowing he deserved this more than it ever did.

And then there is the witch, and the mission, and it drops the identity. Takashi Shirogane is dead. Has been for. A long time. It remembers it is not supposed to be distracted, and then realizes its body has moved on its own. It hoists Lotor up. It is not programmed to see their faces or hear their voices. It is not programmed to be Shiro anymore. It leaves the Castle of Lions.

 

It arrives to the generals. It delivers Lotor. It stands at attention. It does not do anything else. The virus has started by now. It made sure the green paladin, Pidge Holt, would not be able to disable it. The former red paladin, member of rebel group Blade of Marmora, Keith Kogane who wanted to name himself Keith Shirogane once (it had to know that to successfully impersonate Takashi Shirogane), follows it. Fine.

It takes a ship to where it will go after this is all over. The cryogenic storage. The tubes. It will sleep here forever.

Former red paladin, member of rebel group Blade of Marmora, Keith Kogane looks horrified. He has seen the others. The other copies of Takashi Shirogane. They would be its siblings, if it was capable of having a family.

Takashi Shirogane was capable of having a family.

It banishes that unwanted thought. Keith is trying to talk it down. He still thinks it is Shiro. It runs at him, and there is only the mission. There is only.

That's the Keith I remember, it snarls. Keith Kogane looks shocked and scared and. Oh. Takashi Shirogane was his brother. Wasn't he. He is pleading with Shiro.

“You told me you'd never give up on me,” Keith Kogane says. He is. Scared.

It is not programmed to be Shiro anymore. It is not programmed to be the man who promised Keith Kogane he would never give up on him. It is not programmed to lo

It is programmed to hit where it hurts. The witch always did like seeing that.

“I'm not leaving here without you.”

He says it like a fact. Like it wants to leave with him. Like it will ever leave. Like it did not know from the moment it was created that it was expendable.

Its arm flares a bright, blinding red. It was made to take a high amount of pain, but not. Not this much. The arm fires, and it points it toward Keith Kogane. Mission. It has to complete mission.

Its brothers fall into the abyss. They would not be good enough. They could not complete the mission. Only it could.

 

What does love mean?

It is defined as feeling affection towards someone or something.

But what is it really, beyond a dictionary’s definition?

 

It lands in front of former red paladin, member of rebel group Blade of Marmora, Keith Kogane.

“You're my brother,” he chokes out. “I love you.”

It pauses.

 

Can something artificial feel love?

If we program it to feel love towards us, is it some odd kind of narcissism or are we creating another being to make us feel less lonely?

 

Just let go, Keith. You don't have to fight anymore. By now, the team’s already gone. I saw to it myself.

Keith Kogane isn't going to give up on Takashi Shirogane, even if it is just a thing that looks like him.

He lets out a scream, anguished. Grieving.

Its arm falls off, and it staggers back. Drops to the ground.

 

How is love created?

If it had the right kind of circuitry, could even a robot feel love?

 

There is a moment that stretches on for a very, very long time. It reaches back in its memory, to the name it was called before deceased black paladin Takashi Shirogane. Kuron.

Its name was Kuron.

“Keith,” Kuron whispers. The mission has failed. It has failed to achieve the purpose for which it was made.

But it let the real Shiro drive the black lion again. It let the team have another player in Monsters and Mana. It let Keith learn how to lead. It let Hunk teach it how to cook chili. It let Lance tell it about his family, his beach, his home. It let Pidge tell it about everything it and Matt missed at the Holt home. It let Coran tell it about how the castle functioned. It let Allura tell it about her family.

Maybe. Maybe that was worth failure.

There is an explosion.

Kuron shuts its eyes.

They fall.

 

There is nothing. And then there is something.

It is blurry and weak, but Kuron stands. It sees someone in the distance. Another of its siblings. No. That is. That.

Takashi Shirogane.

He blinks, and Kuron registers that its hair is a shocking white. Shiro's hair as well. It gestures around. Shiro nods.

The body moves, and it is weak. Kuron is not. Weak. But Shiro is. He has been dead. He is deceased black paladin Takashi Shirogane. He is moving Kuron’s body. He is Kuron's body.

This is. Hmm.

Kuron is afraid. It was Takashi Shirogane for a long time. It felt him in the lion. It was not Shiro anymore. Shiro was not him. Was there. Kuron did not have cryogenic storage in its brain. Would Shiro bring a tube in for it. It is not needed anymore. Kuron. It failed the mission.

Shiro does not have a mission for it. No mission to fail. But. There will be no storage. No tube.

It is not sure whether Shiro is talking to it on purpose or just letting his thoughts wander, but either way, it is. Reassuring.

Kuron wonders whether Shiro will be. Mad. It took his family. It know it does not deserve a family, but. But. Maybe it will one day.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed my little shitshow. if youre interested in seeing more i dont really write a lot but my tumblr is disgusting-little-man


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